Carry On Dancing
by butterflie
Summary: DISCONTINUED. How can you manage to carry on with life when the person closest to you is no longer there? Taito. Character Death.
1. Prologue

  
Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine. The song Carry on Dancing belongs to Savage Garden, one of the first music groups I ever liked. Well, probably THE first. 3   
  
Author's Notes: Here is a prologue! I have no idea what I'm going to do with this fic! And if no one reviews it, I don't see any point in continuing anyway! Yay!   
  
**Carry on Dancing** [Prologue]  
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess 

_The moonlight...  
shines down interstellar beams  
and the groove tonight  
is something more than you've ever seen  
the stars and planets taking shape  
a stolen kiss has come too late  
in the moonlight   
  
carry on, keep romancing  
carry on, carry on dancing  
in the moonlight  
carry on, keep romancing  
carry on, carry on dancing   
  
you're never safe until you see the dawn  
and if the clock strikes past midnight  
the hope is gone  
to move under  
the moonlight   
  
carry on, keep romancing  
carry on, carry on dancing  
in the moonlight  
carry on, keep romancing  
carry on, carry on dancing   
  
move. closer. passion. stronger.   
  
there's a magic only two can tell  
in the dark night  
ultraviolet is a wicked spell  
the stars and planets taking shape  
a stolen kiss has come too late  
in the moonlight   
  
carry on, keep romancing  
carry on, carry on dancing  
in the moonlight  
carry on, keep romancing  
carry on, carry on dancing  
moving on... moving all night_  
-**Carry On Dancing, by Savage Garden - Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones  
© 1997 EMI Blackwood Music  
Vocals Daniel Jones, background vocals Darren Hayes. All rights reserved.**

"a car accident... Yamato's been injured.." "..dead?" "intensive.. Takeru didn't.." "Taichi..told.."  
The jumbled words swirled like a madness all around me, sticking in my head and absolutely refusing to transform into coherent sentences.  
I sat up in bed, confused and still groggy, not sure what was happening despite the alarming words drifting in from the other room. Two of the low voices were my parents, but there were others. One voice was crying. Was it my mom? It didn't sound like her...  
Blinking, I raised my hand to stifle a yawn, then threw the covers aside. I slid silently out of bed and made my way to the door, taking awkward steps, trying not to bump into anything in the dark. I didn't want to wake Hikari.  
I heard her murmur my name sleepily though, perhaps the adults woke her as well. Or maybe I did, I don't know.  
"Taichi? What's wrong?"  
"I'm not sure. I'm going to find out. Stay here."  
I found myself letting out another yawn, so I glanced back at the clock on the night table beside my bed. I swore softly when I saw the glowing red numbers proclaiming it was two twenty-three in the mornin. Way too damn early. Whatever was going on, I knew it wouldn't be good news.  
Quietly I opened the door and snuck down the hallway, stopping just before the living room came into view. I was hoping to listen, to see if I could make sense of those alarming words that woke me. I couldn't hear much though. 'kaasan was talking to that crying woman, trying to soothe her, it sounded like. 'tousan was talking to a man about funerals.  
That scared me. Who died? The man's voice sounded familiar. Was it a relative, informing us of a death in the family? Or was it maybe someone else I knew? ...the hell was happening?  
"....don't know about Yamato." My ears caught those few muttered words,and my heart decided to not so nicely relocate itself to the new home in my throat. Was it Yamato who had died? Oh Gods.. please, no.. I can't lose him.  
I was scared now, more scared than I'd ever felt before in my life, even more scared than when I'd landed in the Digital World and encountered Agumon for the first time, more scared than when I'd gotten Hikari deathly sick. Yamato couldn't die. It was unheard of.  
I had to know. "Is Yamato okay?" I cried fearfully as I burst into the livingroom.  
The four adults looked at me in surprise. Two were my parents. The other two were Mr. Ishida and Ms. Takaishi. That didn't serve to make me feel better at all. "Yamato? Is he okay? Is he alive, dead?" I was frantic, wild-eyed.  
'kaasan detached herself from Ms. Takaishi and came over to me. Ever so gently, she put her arm around me and led me to the couch, sitting me down. This only caused me more panic. People always made you sit when they had extremely bad news to break. Which must mean...  
"Taichi dear," 'kaasan began, "this is.. rather upsetting news. A very sad and tragic thing has occured. Yamato and Takeru were coming home late from a party. There was a really bad car accident."  
"Yamato died," I stated flatly, as I felt my senses dull. I became numb. My body suffered a massive shutdown. I couldn't believe it, didn't want to. My best friend was dead. Gone, never to be seen again, except for that final departing glimpse of a pale, washed out corpse being lowered into the ground to rot for eternity.  
"No. No baby. Yamato's still alive. He's in the ICU. But Taichi... Takeru didn't make it."  
Yamato... alive? He was still alive then? A huge weight of darkness was lifted from me, and I felt lighter, relieved. Yamato was alive after all! I hadn't lost him!  
Immediately I felt disgusted with myself, ashamed I was thinking such thougts. Here I was, glad it had been Takeru that had died, and not my Yama. How selfish. How uncaring. But all the same, I couldn't help it.  
Then it _really_ began to sink in. "In.. intensive care?" I croaked out. "He's.. what happened to him and Takeru?"  
"Taichi," 'kaasan said soothingly. "They were in a bad car accident. It was real serious. I know it's a lot for you to take in at once, but please try to understand."  
"Takeru's dead," I said, stupidly wishing she'd say no, that it was all a cruel mistake, a bad joke.  
"Yes," she said softly.  
"And Yamato's in the ICU, near death."  
"Oh, not near death, baby. He could still-"  
"Near death," I cut in firmly.  
"Yes," she admited reluctantly.  
I began to cry.   
  
_~prologue fin~_   
  
Well, this is kind of sketchy, to tell you the truth. If you guys think it's any good, I'll continue it. Ideas welcome. So? Yes? No?   
  
© 2002 butterflie June/July 2002  
© 2003 butterflie May 18, 2003 Sunday 1045PM ::rewrite:: 


	2. Facing Reality

  
Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine.   
  
Author's Notes: Uh... okay. The ages: Yamato - 17, Taichi - 17, Takeru - 14, Hikari - 14. And of course everyone else respectively. Yay! Still need some ideas.. only have a few, brief, half-formed things. *nod-nod* yep. And this writing is sort of different from the way I usually write.. I've been trying different things lately.   
  
**Carry On Dancing** [Facing Reality] Chapter 1  
by: _butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess_  
© 2002-2003   
  
The funeral was hell. I hated it. Takeru was just as much my friend as he was the others, and I missed him dearly, but, as sorry as I am to say it, his funeral was boring. It was held at the graveside, rather than a church. The minister said a bunch of words I didn't pay attention to, and then both his parents went up there and said their eulogies. I think maybe Yamato had wanted to say something, but he didn't. So when the time came to lower Takeru's coffin into the ground, I couldn't look. I didn't want this final goodbye to my friend. Instead, I watched the others. Yamato and Hikari were crying the hardest, next to his parents. They were the two closest to him, out of us all. Most of the others were like myself, solemn, sad, but not quite crying.  
There was no viewing. The coffin was closed. Apparently Takeru's battered body had been too gruesome, even after they fixed him up all pretty. Yamato had seen it. He'd begged specifically. He wanted to see his little brother one last time, no matter how awful he looked. I don't see how he could have done it. If it had been Hikari, which I hope it never will be, I wouldn't have wanted to see her that way. I'd want to her remember her as she'd been in life, vibrant, alive with laughter. I don't see how Yamato could handle it. I don't think he did, really.  
After the funeral was pretty boring too. Some people went over to Ms. Takaishi's house, for the after funeral -party is too festive a word. I guess you could call it a gathering. Yamato and I went back to his apartment. I'm not sure why I went along, but he said he wanted me with him. So, I went. Very awkward, that. We sat in silence most of the time, and then he started crying again. I was uncomfortable. I don't really have much experience with a crying, grieving Yama. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Nothing I could have said would have really made it better. No matter what, Takeru was dead, and nothing in the world could change it. He couldn't be brought back to life, no matter how much any of us prayed, wished, hoped, or pleaded. So after awhile I just went over and hugged him, and held him, wishing like anything that fateful fight never happened.   
  
The next day was Yamato's first day back at school. I knew he was nervous about it. But he'd missed so much already. He'd been in the hospital a month, and barely made it. He didn't come out of the ICU for three weeks. We'd all just about prepared ourselves for his death too, when one day he just woke up. I remember there were a bunch of us in the waiting room at the time, and all of these nurses suddenly ran through the doors, yelling for a doctor for Ishida Yamato. Scared the shit out of us. We didn't know what had happened. His mother started crying. It took forever for us to figure out that he'd hadn't died, that it had been quite the opposite. A week later he was released, and a week after that, Takeru's funeral was finally held. They'd been holding off, waiting on Yamato. I'm only thankful it didn't turn into a double funeral. I waited for Yamato at the corner of his street, hoping he'd hurry up. It was cold out. Getting on near winter. Finally I spotted his desolate looking form approaching, and called out to him.  
"Yamato!"  
He reached me, and I noticed how horrible he really looked. He seemed really pale and washed out, and the scar down his cheek looked more visible than usual. He was quite listless, and I didn't think that he was ready to go back to school at all. He still hadn't really had enough time to grieve.  
I saw a few tears fall from his eyes. "What's wrong, Yamato?"  
"I woke up this morning, and I kept wondering why Takeru wasn't banging on my door, when I remembered he was gone..." He started crying in earnest then, and, not knowing what else to do, I hugged him. I felt bad for him. How many times since Takeru's death must he have been doing things like that? I too, had half-expected to see Takeru come walking up with Yamato, the way he always used to do. This was -had been- Takeru's first year at high school with us, so the three of us would walk to school together.  
After a bit, his tears stopped. Or rather, I think they just lessened. I don't think they stopped altogether. It would be awhile before that happened. I didn't blame him, though. Losing his brother had to have been hard in ways I could never imagine, and don't really care to.  
He offered me a sort of shaky smile. "I'm sorry, Taichi."  
I smiled back in return. "Hey, it's okay, I understand, alright? You can cry all you want."  
In which he promptly burst into tears again. It sort of startled me, to tell the truth. I wanted to hug him again, but I knew we were going to be late for school if we didn't leave now. So I just took his arm gently and started leading him towards school. We managed to make it to homeroom with two minutes to spare.   
  
School felt very long. Too long. Yamato kept spontaneously dissolving into tears, and though the whole school knew about Takeru (there'd been several moments of silence held for him after it happened), some of the kids kept giving him strange looks. I think they were more uncomfortable than anything else. We all were. No one really knew what to say to him. Most everyone avoided him, except for the Erabareshi and of course his band.  
Everyone that shared our lunch tried to be supportive as possible, but most didn't know what to say. A lot of the younger kids were crying, too. Especially Daisuke and Iori. Hikari was still pretty upset, too, but she'd stopped crying finally. Miyako didn't have our lunch, and neither did Sora or Jou, so I hoped that they were holding up well.   
  
After school I went to Yamato's apartment. He asked me to, so what could I say? I'd do anything for him.   
  
"Drink?"  
"Huh?"  
"Do you want something to drink?"  
"Oh, uh, sure, thanks. Just some water."  
He nodded, and got a cup from the cupboard, filled it with water and handed it over. I took a few gulps and set the empty cup on the counter. "So.... uhh...." I didn't know what I could do. I don't know why he kept inviting me over. I guess it hurt too much to be alone. "You want to.. do anything..." I trailed off. Like Yamato would really feel up to doing anything at the moment.  
He shook his head and discreetly tried to wipe the gathering tears from his eyes. "Well, do you want to talk?"  
Another shake of the head.  
I didn't mean to, but I accidentally sighed out loud. It was kind of frustrating. I know he was in a lot of pain right now, and I know he probably needed company, but how could I help him when he wouldn't let me? Have you ever been in a position like that? Such an awkward situation that you're at a complete loss for words or actions that will help? Sometimes it just makes you want to scream.  
His tears started to spill over when I sighed, and I felt rotten inside. I hadn't meant to make him feel worse. So I said the first thing that came to mind. I knew right away it was a mistake. "Where's your dad?" I winced, but the damage was done.  
The tears came in earnest then. "Can you believe he's actually at work?" Yamato sniffed. "He went to work four days after Takeru died. I was still in the hospital then!" He put his hands over his eyes, then sank down to the floor, hunched over, crying softly.  
I hunched down next to him and put my arms around his shoulders. "I'm sure he was only thinking that he needed to work for the money. The hospital bills and the funeral must have cost a lot of money..."  
"He would have gotten leave from work! He still would have been paid! But no!"  
"Yamato, I'm sure that he was still worried about you. And he seemed genuinely upset at the funeral."  
"But.." Yamato paused. "God I HATE THIS!"  
"Yamato..." I tailed off, pained. I hated this too. We all did. How did you cope with the death of a loved one? It was so hard.  
"It's so hard.." Yamato echoed my thoughts. "I don't understand, Taichi.. Doesn't it ever get any easier? I hate having to live with this pain every day. If only-"  
"Don't you even start with that if only crap Yamato! It won't change things, and it's only cruelty to yourself."  
"But I can't help it!" he wailed. "All the time, I keep thinking. If only I hadn't gone to the party. If only I didn't accept the offer to play there. If only I hadn't brought Takeru with me. If only I'd never started a band. If only I'd taken a different way home. If only I had left on time. If only we'd walked. If only, if only, if only! If only Takeru could be alive..."  
"Takeru is _dead_," I said, a bit harshly. I was sick of hearing Yamato act like this. It may have seemed mean, but I was doing it too help him. He couldn't go on living like this. He had to start living in the now, facing reality, stop wishing for things that would never be. "Takeru will always _be_ dead. You can't change it, you can't bring it back, you can't do a goddamned thing about it! So stop wishing for things that won't happen, and stop fucking tormenting yourself by thinking of the ways things could have turned out alright! Because you don't know that this wouldn't have happened anyway!"  
He stared at me in shock for a several moments, and then burst into fresh sobs all over again, powerful sobs that shook his whole body and rendered him speechless. I sighed and pulled him close to me in the tightest hug imaginable, tears starting to come from my own eyes, and then we sat on his kitchen floor, both of us crying our eyes out.   
  
~fin facing reality~   
  
I know, it's sort of short, but I think I just want this to be short chaptered story. It's easier that way. Maybe as I get more into the flow of the story and start getting some more ideas for it, the chapters will get a bit longer. But for now you'll have to be satisfied with this. Ciao baby! 


End file.
